Boy, was I naive!
When I think back at the way I have described myself in the pass e.g. stupid and dumb, I realise that maybe that there was some truth in this.
There was a time when I lived in Australia, a little suburb called Arncliffe in Sydney. I lived in a one bedroomed, self contained flat at the back of a house. It was cockroach infested. Eek! but it was cheap. I had a job at a car franchise on a busy main vein into the city. Well I remember there,was a yummy bakery right across the highway that made the most divine Apricot Danish. They were to die for (now I know where that phrase come from).
At lunchtime every day I would take my orders and make my way to the front of the yard and plan my death defying sprint  across that eight lane highway, with the cheers from the guys from the work shop out the back. They had organised  their own seating strategically for this daily entertainment, but it was  worth every mouthful.
For a short time, I worked  for another business I found advertised on a small notice board at the local train station " Assembler wanted, must speak English and be reliable". Yep that's me.
I was so excited by the opportunity for any interview, landed the job. Surprisingly, I didn't notice I was only one of two employees. I worked with a Chinese guy, same age but very poor English. We understood each other and had fun. The place echoed as is was an enormous factory. It was too big and creepy. I was amused however that they exported  plastic S bends to New Zealand.
Now, I know I'm reliable and may not spell or read English well, but speak it I can. Assembling is my specialty and I proudly put in over a months work at this firm until the boss made his move on me.
I was gone! but not until he heard just how good my verbal English was that day.
Australia wasn't a good experience for me back then. One can't put this down to the lack of education, you can experience inappropriate behaviour anywhere not just the work place, when you are a ravishing beauty as I am.
In hindsight I could have had better knowledge on how to deal with such behaviour. How to fight back, how to write a report on what happened, how to fill out forms etc. It just becomes too scary. In my case I just moved on and put it behind me. Much has changed from the 80's. There are places now that will listen and help people like me, to overcome self doubt and abuse.
I love the saying in the movie " Help"
You is kind ...You is smart...You is important...

The recent celebration of Mother's Day has left me thankful for the two Beautiful Daughters to whom I am a mother. I mentioned my younger daughter in my previous Blog about our grandson.
However it is my delight to also mention my older daughter.
This daughter is multi-talented and works for a large corporation in Auckland. She has conscientiously worked her way up to a position of responsibility.
Acting is a lucrative hobby for this daughter. She has starred in television commercials and  has played character roles in our own New Zealand  favourite programme, Shortland Street.
My girl has also starred in a mini series that has yet to be screened.
There are so many reasons to love this daughter. She is blessed with a great figure and a beautiful smile. She is well groomed, fit and enjoys following the latest  trends and  fashions. She has a  bubbly personality  and is a loving, caring person. She is supported by a great partner.
Being a parent is so rewarding.
To keep our relationships fun, my daughters and I have planned another weekend away together for some intoxicating laughter.

You'll  soon discover that I am besotted  by  the most handsome, clever, sensitive, young man.
This is undoubtedly, my most treasured  grandson, who is now 2 years and 6 months. I am so lucky to have the joy, delight, humour, company and love of this little chap.
He provides us with entertainment and cherished moments of bliss. This is such a happy time in our lives. Our grandson is a fabulous boy. He is such a happy and sociable child, who enjoys people.
At about 8 months our grandson was introduced to day care while my daughter adjusted back into full time Accounting. As his Nana, I took half days on Wednesdays to help care for this wee man so that my daughter could relax at work knowing he was with a familiar, loving face. 
Fortunately, my flexible work  allows me to start early and to make up hours lost. I  would take the little tacker home for lunch and have a little play before nap time. My partner would, funnily enough,  finish early on Wednesdays, to get a play in before he was needing sleep. It's been a pleasure
watching this little guy grow into a toddler before our very eyes.
Remembering that a few short months ago I would hold him in my arms to rock him to sleep and feel myself  welling up with happy tears at what a beautiful job my daughter and her husband  are giving the life of this wee soul and the joy he in turn gives us.

While my garden winds me down, frequently questions from others wind me up.
People often ask me why I am still in the job I have had for over thirty years. For the first ten to fifteen years. I would reply 'EASY'. I like the work and enjoyed making electronics.
Winding, soldering and assembling was fun as I'm dexterous and  enjoy working with my hands.
Then the hours suited me, doing forty hours a week and taking some work home for extra money.
Of course, when my girls were young I worked nine to three. This flexibility suited well, so it wasn't about the money or lack of it at that time. We were a two income household and doing fine.
You probably won't be surprised  to hear that after my marriage ended, the hourly rate I earned really mattered.  
Being on my own was a huge challenge. I had no education, no certificates even for the skills I had
learnt along the way.
This line of work, electronics field, had seen me through  all those years and didn't call for any certificates. Lucky, some would say.
People ask me now...so why are you still in this job after all these years?
I'm in my 50's now! I don't answer them.
I've been in this firm all my working life and still in a low income bracket. I'm not silly or stupid, just not  sufficiently educated.
I'm clever at the job I do, I'm honest, loyal, reliable and a tax paying citizen.
When kids finish school these days and some may slip through the system as I did, I hope they will find some words of wisdom here to help their struggle.
So often we are recognised for our mistake or failures and not for our efforts and achievements in life.

The beauty of nature can be rewarding.
Like the quiet sitting, relaxing on the beach, in the park or in a friends back garden.
So often we listen to life's pressures. What others think we want e.g. new T.V, new phone, new car
and trendy furniture.
Generally we are quite happy and contented with what we already have.
Why do we allow ourselves to be overcome with pressure to keep up? Is it because we  risk being labelled unsuccessful, not on trend?  I'm sure those of us who land on our feet through hard work and determination, at some point would  enjoy a swap for the simple life " the gypsy way", I call it.
I put so much stress on myself, listening to the external messages, as I get older. I sometimes think  that I should be further ahead than I am. However when I think back to my childhood I often remember how we enjoyed the little we had. Having a vegetable garden to help put food on the table, preserving, making clothes by sewing and knitting.
I find it so rewarding to give away hand crafted items and receive them, knowing the effort and love
that's gone into them.
My point is, that I am a person of value and talent, despite my literary  challenges. I am worthy and consider myself wealthy in the best things in life. For me to be happy, I find peace within myself, am more content  and relaxed and  remember that 'Life is short'. These thoughts come easily to me when I'm surrounded by the beauty of my garden.

 -Anne Lamott- a fabulous Quote:
 
Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65 or 75,
and you never got your memoir or novel written,
or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy,
or you were just so strung up on perfectionism and people pleasing that you forgot to have a big  juicy creative life,
of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid?
Its going to break your heart.
Don't let this happen.

A lack of confidence can get in the way of achieving even the little things in life, if you have Dyslexia as I have.
Self doubt can be my worst enemy. Judgement on everything I do can affect how I judge other people around me. It can make me have jealous, unhealthy thoughts. It can effect weight gain to some and weight loss to others. You don't think of yourself as worthy to take on the bigger things, I would be the first one to put my hand up and be guilty of this.
I have discovered that comparing myself with others is a waste of  energy and self destructive.
I remind myself  we all have gifts to share but the rewards may not be what we hoped it would be.
Do you realize that we can be content being happy with the simple things in life. Contentment can make us healthier and live longer.
When things are free, like a smile, a hug, a friendly wave or a kind thankyou, you can make a big difference to someone's day. 
It is exciting to think about what I have yet to discover about my life and the world.
This challenge they call Dyslexia will always be part of my life but the difference that my lovely Tutor has taught me is...
This is not a disability, it is the ability to be who I am.
'JUST BE ME'